Mislaid Reality
by HedgieX
Summary: It should be the happiest moment of their lives; one they'll remember always. But Gene and Alex's wedding day is a complete disaster, and from it evolves something even more horrific. Secrets and lies surround the Fenchurch team - how will they cope?
1. Chapter 1

"Gene! Come on! We're going to be late for the wedding!" Alex Drake called up the stairs of their new home.

"Alright, Bolly, alright, keep your hair on! Two minutes!" he called back down to her in his gruff voice, sounding strangely nervous. She sighed and tapped her nails on the banister rail impatiently until footsteps echoed on the landing.

Gene Hunt appeared, silhouetted at the top of the stairs. She could just about make out his outfit, an unusually smart suit and a crisp white shirt. Even in the semi-darkness, she saw his expression as he saw her dress for the first time. He looked satisfied, to say the least.

"Like it?" she spun around playfully on the furry rug, giving him a full display of her gleaming white dress, and her white heels. Her hair was up in a quiff, held in place with white clips. A bunch of white flowers were clasped in her hand.

"It's not bad, actually, Bolly. Let's fire up the Quattro!" he gave her a feeble smile, the best she ever got from him. He clomped down the stairs in his leather cowboy boots, gave her a playful kiss on the cheek, and dragged her out into the hallway.

She shook her head in disbelief as she stumbled over her heels, then turned to lock the door as he dived into his beloved car. The Quattro. It was maybe the only thing he adored more than her. Today it was dazzlingly shiny, thanks to a polish from their best friends from work, and covered in frilly bows and flowers. He flicked a ribbon from his windscreen, and screeched off as she jumped in and slammed the door.

XxXxX

"Gov!" Sharon Granger, WPC at Fenchurch East CID, called from the entrance to the church, where she stood sandwiched between Ray Carling and Chris Skelton. "Oh my gosh, ma'am, you look gorgeous!"

"Thanks, Shaz," she smiled appreciatively and skipped up to the door.

"Back off, she's mine," Gene growled, "He's more in your league."

"Ignore him, Shaz, he's nervous," Alex straightened her dress nervously, giving her soon to be husband a playful shove, "So am I."

"And me, ma'am," Shaz ran her fingers through her hair.

"Come on!" Chris took Shaz's hand and they disappeared through the door, closely followed by a shrugging Ray.

"Aww, don't worry, Ray, you'll find someone one day," Alex ruffled his hair affectionately, earning a playful tap from Gene.

XxXxX

Halfway through the wedding, the doors burst open. Jim Keats stormed up the aisle, calling out to them. Ray stopped the music and they heard him shout. "Stop the wedding!"

Alex rolled her eyes as Gene and Chris exchanged a torrent of swearwords. Shaz looked nervously around, "Sir! What is it?"

"Alex. Remember what I told you about him. He's not who you think he is. Think about it, Alex. Remember," Jim sat down in the front pew, tapping the side of his head repeatedly.

"Jimbo, Jimbo, Jimbo," Gene shook his head haughtily.

"No, sir. I'm sorry, but no. I love Gene. That's the end of it. I trust him."

"Yeah. Right. What about Sam Tyler? What about all the evidence against him?" Jim insisted, jumping up and going over to put his hand on her shoulder. She shrugged it off. Gene took his hand from her grasp furiously and took a step towards Jim. Jim jumped backwards as Gene's fist collided with his jaw, and sank down onto the floor, blood dribbling from his lips.

"Sir?" Alex crouched down by him, agonised, "Are you okay? Jim?"

"Look at him, Alex. You just have to look at him. He's unstable!" Jim smeared blood across his cheeks with the back of his hand, cackling nastily as he pulled himself up, "Is this what you really want? A life of violence?"

Gene leant across and aimed another punch at Jim, accidentally knocking Alex sideways as she and Chris attempted to intervene. There was a long silence as she moaned in pain, clutching her stomach.

"See, Alex. This is what it's going to be like," Jim's voice was dotted with satisfaction between the concerned frowns.

Gene yanked Jim's collar with one hand, reaching out to Alex with the other, "Bolls?"

She shook her head and ran from the church, leaving all five of her colleagues, and the vicar, staring after her as the heavy oak doors closed with a crash.

XxXxX

"Where the hell is she?" Gene paced up and down the graveyard; clasping Alex's abandoned bouquet in his blood covered hands.

"She can't have gone far, gov," Chris sighed, wrapping his arms around Shaz as she buried her head in his shoulder. Gene rarely showed it, but he did have a sensitive, gentle side, underneath the forcefulness. It tended to scare his officers more than the tough pretence; it usually meant something was badly wrong. "Ray's checking back at the station; maybe she's in the office."

Gene looked unconvinced, "Alex? Alex?"

"Look what you've done now, Gene. You've only gone and lost your potential wife," Jim suggested slyly, peering out from behind a gravestone, "Maybe she's finally realised the truth. Maybe she's disappeared into the sunset with the handsome prince she deserves. A world away from this life."

"Please, sir, don't," Shaz begged, turning to face him. Her make up was smudged, her hair tousled. Her dress was matted with half dried mud, and ripped along her right side, revealing more flesh than she appreciated. "She'll be okay. She has to be."

"Don't bet on it. She won't be when I've finished with her," Gene growled, slowing in order to thrash out at the nearest tree, so the branches shuddered wildly. Jim shrugged and vanished back into the undergrowth. Shaz squirmed from her boyfriend's protective hold and stumbled away behind the crumbling walls, Chris following cautiously.

"If anything's happened to her, if you're involved in any way..."

"What, you'll punch me? Like you punched her?" Jim's glee at the air of misery surrounding him was evident, "It's never your fault, is it, Gene?"

Shaz's muffled squeal shattered the frosty silence between them, united in anxiety. Gene's footsteps pounded the hard earth as he strode swiftly towards the cry, rounding the corner in a matter of seconds.

Chris held Shaz in his arms, softening her sobs as he stroked a strand of hair from her flushed face. Her knees were grazed, similarly the palms of her hands. Her head hung downheartedly; a bewildered schoolchild having fallen, playing tag, into a whirlwind of blazing autumn leaves.

Gene's eyes fell to the ground; an originally sparkly white shoe lay at their feet, now scuffed, and deprived of the heel. Jim stepped forward, any grudges suddenly irrelevant. "Alright, Shaz. That's enough now. Chris, take her home."

XxXxX

"Get...get off me!" Alex squealed, lashing out at the cloaked figure leaning over her. He responded by dragging the binding ropes tighter around her, so the wiry cord dug into her limbs. She spluttered and kicked harder, but his determination to finish the job just grew.

To what extent could this be a dream? She wasn't fully unconscious, she knew that simply because of the amount of excruciating pain coursing through her. But this man...his face was blurred in the shadows, but she got the distinct idea it wasn't human. Voices echoed in her head; Molly, and Gene. In between these moments, the harsh cackle of her kidnapper was apparent.

She couldn't exactly remember how she'd got here. Or where she was. She hadn't got far from the church, just a few metres across the road and up an alleyway. That hadn't been her brightest idea, but she'd needed to think. Then they'd forced a warm liquid down her throat, and blindfolded her. Then there'd been the odd sensation of floating on water as they carried her, and then...then there'd been a slam, and the whole world had gone black.

"Who are you?" she attempted, ceasing her struggles to focus on his face, "What do you want me for?"

"Alex," his voice was deep and cold, and slightly familiar.

"Yes!" she couldn't stop herself; that put a clear stop to the random kidnapping theory, "How do you know me?"

"Alexandra Drake," he yanked the ropes callously. A spot of blood soaked through her dress from beneath her ribs. "You betrayed me. You betrayed me and everyone around you. Can you even remember your life now? Your real life?"

"Of course!"

"Your daughter? Just a little girl. Struggling at school. Orphaned."

"She is not an orphan!" Alex gasped, outraged despite the compromising situation, "I will get back to her! I will!"

"Think what you may, Alex. I know the truth," he flicked back his hood, revealing sunken eyes set upon ghostly pale skin. His hair was thin and dull, his lips curled into a merciless smile. "Did you ever think about her, at work, when you threw yourself in front of guns to save random passers-by? Did you ever wonder what would happen to her if your powers didn't work?"

"Powers? I'm a psychiatr...psychologist!"

"Make your mind up," he shook his head, disdainful, "Did you presume her dad would come back and rescue her? Did you not know him well enough to realise he'd send a tenner in the post and forget for another year?"

"No!" she coughed hoarsely, struggling to breathe as the ropes were jerked tighter and tighter across her chest, "She's got Evan! He'd never abandon her! He'd never abandon me! I'm practically his daughter!"

"Evan. He sees her occasionally, yes, but he's got his own life. A successful job, a dedicated girlfriend..."

"Where's Molly? Where is she? I need to know!"

"She's back in 2009, Alex. In a stuffy boarding school in London, surrounded by rich girls visited by posh parents twice daily, and teachers more concerned with teaching their pupils sewing and cooking than maths. 80's style. And she hates it."

Tears splashed down her face, blinding her as she struggled to stay awake. Images flashed through her mind, similar sobbing from her daughter, locked up all alone in a cell with only a chair and a towering pile of filthy dishes. Then recollections as opposed to hallucinations; she and her daughter laughing as they splattered chocolate cake mix across the kitchen, and curled up on the sofa with a pile of Molly's teddies, reading Alice in Wonderland. The pictures gradually weakened, fading from her mind as he reached over and dribbled liquid over her lips.

"No," she struggled to keep Molly's face in her head, but all that remained was her eyes, as if imprinted in her brain. She'd always loved her daughter's eyes; deep brown, and overflowing with warmth and affection. "No. I need to see her. Please."

"I'm not sure she'll want to see you any more, Alex," he bent over her, every wrinkle, every blemish, visible. Enjoying her pain. Alex sobbed raggedly, her vision gradually blurring into blackness as she fell unconscious once more.

**Thanks for reading; I hope you enjoyed it**

**I'm new to FanFiction so please review and tell me what you think – I'm hoping to add more chapters...**

**I do not own anything – I just love to write Ashes to Ashes stories!**


	2. Chapter 2

"Fandabydosy." Gene Hunt filled the narrow doorway to the flat, hands on hips, staring inside with a disdainful, yet slightly pensive, glare.

"Gov?" Chris questioned tentatively as he peered over Gene's shoulder into the crime scene. He gulped, and averted his eyes.

"Just what we need." Ray shrugged, more exasperated than disturbed, "Well, he can't tell us what happened."

Gene stepped forward reluctantly, "No witnesses, or none willing to tell us anything. No evidence aside from a pool of blood. Need I continue?"

A body lay on the floor in front of them, eerily pale, eyes glassed over. He was stripped of decency, with only a sheet wrapped around his middle, and bound tightly with ropes. A knife stuck straight out of his chest, blood splattered across the entire room's creamy carpet, splashed up the pearly walls.

"Very dignified." Ray smirked.

"Enough, Raymondo." Gene snapped frustratedly. Ray's face fell to a sheepish frown; he busied himself examining the bookshelves running down one side of the room.

"Gov, here!" Chris was crouched down alongside the body, clutching a blood soaked scrap of paper. Gene strode over and snatched it by the corner, laying it on the table with the utmost detest.

"She...she'll...go..."

"She'll go the same day." Gene finished smoothly, his face expressionless.

"Who will?"

"Alex." he wiped his hands against the curtain and stormed out without another word.

Chris turned after him disbelievingly, "Gov?"

"Isn't that jumping to conclusions slightly?" Ray re-crossed the room to examine the note himself, "We don't even know who the guy is. 'She' could be his...his wife, or his daughter? Some bird he's got a thing for? No? Fine."

"I thought..." Chris trailed off as Ray too brushed his hands and disappeared. He stood for a moment, gazing at the body. "Please, ma'am, come back."

XxXxX

"Gov, I got that list you...gov?" Shaz looked taken aback as he blanked her and stomped up the middle of the room, slamming the door behind him. Sometimes, if she was honest, Gene did take out his anger on her, but that didn't mean it was deliberate. He rarely ignored her. It wasn't really his style. "Ray? What..."

Ray dropped the evidence bag in front of her wordlessly. There was silence as she struggled to read it through the dried blood.

"She'll...go...the...she'll go the same...way? What way?"

"Way?" Chris repeated, shuffling onto the desk beside her and wrapping an arm around her, "It does say way. The gov said day, didn't he?"

"Yeah." Ray nodded authoritively, frowning at Shaz, "Some poor bloke was half naked, tied up and stabbed in the heart in the middle of his flat. No ID, no evidence, no witnesses."

"And gov thinks..." Shaz trailed off painfully.

"Yeah."

"God." Shaz laid her head on Chris's shoulder weakly.

"I've got enough with him..." Ray muttered, but snatched a handful of files and occupied himself with their reading.

"Once, it was...it was weird having Alex here. She cried a lot. She knew stuff about the future..."

"She was dressed as a prozzie, with all that fancy psychiatric stuff." Ray glanced up, grinning distantly.

"Yeah." Chris nodded, with a guilty squeeze of Shaz's hand, "But now..."

"Now we really miss her. And so does gov." Shaz sighed miserably, "Ray, I know he's decided that note was about ma'am and everything, but...but what do you think?"

"I don't know." He considered the question at a leisurely pace, chewing thoughtfully on the end of his pen. Neither Chris nor Shaz seemed to find this an unreasonable answer alone, but he continued, "If she was kidnapped, she needs our help. If she wasn't, she's...she's a cold-hearted bitch. And he'll be heartbroken."

All three turned towards Gene's office. He was sat at his desk, boots on the table; with a bottle of whisky in one hand and a picture in the other. None of them could make it out through the blinds, but they could guess.

XxXxX

"You talk in your sleep."

"Yes. Molly never let me forget it." Alex didn't bother to struggle. Her entire body ached immensely, her ears scarcely functioning.

"It wasn't Molly you talked about. She didn't come in to it."

"What do you want from me?"

"Gene." his voice was overflowing with detest; hatred. He sat down on the bed she was tied to; a flat wooden structure covered in splinters, and leant back against her legs, deliberately forceful. "Gene Hunt. Over and over again. Chris, and Ray. And...and Chaz or something."

"Shaz."

"And then you tell me you still care about your daughter, still want to get back to her." he almost chuckled, "Molly cries all night, you know, when the rest of the girls are tucked up in their quilted beds dreaming of ponies. She cuddles up on her scratchy mattress and sucks her thumb. And in the morning she's screamed at by her form mistress, told she's letting down the school with tears streaked down her face, told she'll get a slap if it happens one more night."

"No. Molly's a strong girl. She'll be okay. She just has to hold out until I get back to her." Alex blinked back her own tears, determined not to succumb to the lies.

"She'll be waiting a long time."

"I was getting married yesterday. I was happy for the first time in so long. And then you ruined everything." she coughed hoarsely as he took a cigarette and a lighter and exhaled a hefty wisp of smoke directly at her face.

"When I took you, Alex, you were crying in an alleyway, clutching your stomach. You didn't look happy. Which makes me wonder if maybe you still have a drop of decency left inside you, despite what this man has done to you?"

"Why don't you just tell me why I'm here? Or get on and kill me?" her voice shook, with both despair and sudden anger. What had she ever done to him? Why was he so desperate to ruin her life even more?

"Do you really love him, Alex? Or are you just trying to find a way to deal with your grief?"

"I thought about suicide at first. I can't describe how bad those first few weeks were. I realised I had to live, though, I had to find a way to get back to Molly, and I focussed all my efforts on that. It felt more and more real over time, and I found myself slipping away into the new world, simply because it was so much easier to pretend everything was fine." Alex was crying hard now, choking on her tears, "Gene protected me through everything, despite his demeanour he made me, and everyone else, feel safe, and yes, I really love him. But I've never forgotten Molly. Never. I'd do anything to see her again, to hold her in my arms and...and to tell her how much I love her. Sometimes...sometimes she's the only thing that keeps me going."

"You're not safe with him, Alex. The longer you spend in his world, the more you'll forget about reality. One day you won't remember Molly at all. You'll just feel empty and worthless when you wonder what you once held close to your heart." his tone was softer now, more understanding, "I'm only protecting you from that."

"I didn't choose to come here. I was shot. I promised Molly I'd be there for her birthday party, and I still can be. But spending my life chasing hallucinations and sobbing in my bed wasn't going to help at all. I have a job to do, there's a reason I'm here. And if I can complete the quest, I can get home."

"In 2008, Alex, you're lying in a hospital bed, in a coma. Moments away from death. If you continue to pretend you have a purpose here, you'll die. And you'll never see Molly again. If you listen to me, you've got a chance to save yourself." the bed shook as he stood up and took a step towards the door, silhouetted against the dim light from the doorway, "You're a bright girl, Alex. Don't think you were chosen at random."

"I...you chose me?"

"Yes. I chose you." he sighed heavily, his cloak spinning a tornado around him as he turned back to face her. Images whizzed through her brain, suffocating her blood supply as she struggled to escape the pain. She strained to see him properly, and the images reversed, slower this time.

Molly, crouching by a mattress in a tall, dark tower. A nurse bending over a bed, drawing the covers up to the chin of the patient's shadowed face. And under that boat, with that overriding odour of damp, and those mirrored sunglasses. The fear those last few seconds before the bullet hit her.

And then she understood. Arthur Layton.

**Thanks for reading :) I hope you enjoyed it; please review...I'm hoping to write more. I don't own any of the characters ;) Oh and I forgot to say this story is for Bethany xxx**


	3. Chapter 3

"Are you okay, baby?" Chris stretched an arm across the table towards Shaz, the worry on his face intensified by the candlelight in the trattoria. Both had substantial plates of pasta in front of them; Chris's barely touched, while Shaz hadn't bothered even to attempt eating the meal.

Gene sat at the opposite end of the room, by the mural spread across the wall, where the team had previously always sat, with Alex. Ray had tentatively suggested they continue to enjoy their evenings in Luigi's, but Gene had flatly refused, and was now gulping down yet another whisky, while Ray had given in and headed home.

"I just want ma'am to come back."

"I know. So do I. Hey, where are you going?"

"I don't know. I need some fresh air." Shaz shrugged, pushing back her chair abruptly and heading for the exit. Luigi looked on as Chris rushed after her, his expression halfway between amusement and hurt. Gene didn't even look up as the door slammed shut behind them.

"Shazzer? It'll be okay, you know. We'll find her." Chris wrapped his arm around her, fighting off the sudden gusts of cold wind bouncing off them.

"What if she doesn't want to be found?"

"She wouldn't do that to Gene. She wouldn't do that to us." he emphasized the 'us' firmly, "You can't give up on her. Come on, you're freezing."

"No. I need to think, Chris."

"Shaz..."

"Please. I don't want you, okay? I just want to be alone." she brushed his arm away and turned away purposefully. If she met his gaze, she'd give herself away. She wanted him to hold her until she fell asleep in his arms, safe. She wanted to take his hand; to never let go. But she couldn't.

He stood rooted to the spot for a moment, his head down forlornly. She folded her arms across her chest, and he sighed and strolled off in the opposite direction. She could see his pain in the way he walked, however hard he tried to disguise it as serenity. She longed to run after him and bury her head in his warm leather jacket. But she couldn't.

She sank down onto the stone bench behind her, shivering uncontrollably as the bitter wind blew her hair up, crept down her collar. Tears ran down from her sea green eyes, triggered by both the breeze and a sudden overwhelming sadness. How was it possible to be so happy, so content, one day, and so distressed the next?

Who was Alex, anyway? Who was she really? She'd mentioned a daughter, once, and parents, but they'd apparently faded from existence. She'd had no friends, no possessions, no grasp on reality. But then, slowly, almost imperceptibly, she'd changed. She was warm, courageous, forgiving. Humourous, quick and clever.

And she'd changed the world around her too. Helped all the forgotten victims otherwise brushed aside, proved to all the sexist coppers in CID she was a force to be reckoned with, if she needed to be. Given Gene Hunt a reason to smile once in a while. Now there was an achievement. Who would run away from that?

Chris was right; they had to keep believing she'd be taken, keep hoping they'd find her. She deserved that much. And after everything Gene had done for them all at Fenchurch, they had to find her for his sake too. And if...when they found her, she'd find out everything.

XxXxX

"Okay. This is David Stafford." Gene stood at the front of CID, boots firmly planted on the gleaming floor, one arm thrust out in the direction of a mug shot taped to the board.

"Was." Ray corrected slyly, stubbing out his cigarette on the already charred desk, and narrowly avoiding alighting a pile of files.

"Yes, thank you, Raymondo." Gene rolled his eyes, quickly indicating several pictures of the crime scene, and then a photocopied image of the note, "This was found on him, reading 'she'll go the same way', and presumably planted by the killer. We've also determined that several of the letters from the message were found ripped from a magazine found in a bin bag outside Luigi's, which we've supposed is Alex's, given the other crap. And the fingerprints. Other than that, Alex's flat has been turned over to no avail, and there's not much else in the way of evidence. However, an empty coil from the rope used to transform Stafford into a sausage was found in the flat, and the blood on it was not Stafford's. We're working on that, aren't we, WPC Granger?"

"Yes, gov." Shaz murmured, not looking up from her desk. Ray smirked as Chris eyed her somewhat indiscreetly, but Gene frowned seriously.

"Are you okay, WPC Granger?"

"Yes, gov."

"Alright. Christopher, could you be a bit more tactful, please? We have got work to do here, you know."

"Sorry, gov." Chris flushed and averted his eyes hurriedly.

"Right." Gene nodded curtly, also glancing away, as if suddenly self conscious, "We all know Bolly can be a pain in the arse, but we need her, okay? I'm not denying that. So get to it and find her, or you'll have me to deal with too."

A chorus of murmured agreements echoed around the room. Chris jumped at the sudden noise, shaking himself from his dreaming and adding his promise to the chatter as Gene eyed him fiercely.

"Good. A word, please, WPC Granger? My office?"

Shaz slid from the desk and followed uncomfortably as Gene retreated. She paused in the doorway, then took a further step in and closed the door, gentle as always. She blinked rapidly, nervous as she took in her surroundings. She'd never visited Gene's office before, neither invited nor summoned. She'd never really desired it.

"Gov?" her voice was high and squeaky.

"Is there something going on between you and Christopher that I should know about, WPC Granger?" There was a long silence; Gene sighing as he realised the response he'd get going about this in his normal brazen way, "Scrap that. I'm not so great at this understanding lark. Are you alright, Shaz? Is there anything you want to talk about?"

"No, gov. I'm fine, thanks."

"We will find her, Shaz." he sighed, the comforting nature to his tone clashing with his rough accent, "If you want anything, come and see me, yeah?"

"Yes, gov." Shaz turned away, her hair falling across her colourless face. She hovered in the entrance for a moment, waiting for Gene's harsh dismissal. It didn't come. "Gov, have you ever had the feeling that the world's so big, and you're so small, and you just...you just feel completely alone?"

"Oh, Shaz." Gene suddenly reached out and wrapped his arms around her as a tear fell down her face. She tensed for a second, but relaxed in his hold as she realised he was genuinely aware of how she felt. "If only Alex could see us now."

"You're the best gov I've ever had." Shaz snivelled as he released his grip on her.

"The only gov you've ever had." Gene added dryly, but the corners of his mouth curled up slightly; he was obviously touched. They stood silently for a moment, side by side, content just in the knowledge of the empathy running between them. It was strange, yes, but a wonderful strange. "Come on, then. Time to face the music. And if any of those lot...just come and see me, okay?"

"Gov." she nodded, returning the smile weakly, and stepped back out into the main CID room, suddenly full of hope, and courage. Optimism, she was normally good at; courage wasn't exactly her strong point. But maybe, with Gene Hunt by her side, she could put up with that.

XxXxX

Without food or water, without light or exercise, Alex was growing weaker by the hour; barely able to lift her head. Arthur no longer seemed delighted by this, quite the opposite, in fact, but he still wasn't showing any signs of relenting. Quite the opposite.

"Please. Just let me go." Alex begged in a pleading whisper as light briefly illuminated the floor from the open entrance before the door slammed shut, "I can't think. How can I get back to Molly if I can't think?"

"You know as well as I do you'd run straight back into the arms of your beloved Gene Hunt and never spare a thought for your poor daughter again." his voice was oddly shaky as he sank down into his usual position on her bed.

"Don't you think you've made your point?"

"Well, it doesn't seem to have sunk into your system yet, Alex. He left you to fight for yourself when you ran away; he didn't chase after you, and he doesn't appear to be making any effort to find you either, does he? And what about these other characters you made such a big thing of? Where were they when you needed them?"

"You don't know anything about my life. You don't know any of that."

"I know you, Alex. You can't change that, however much you decide against it." Arthur stated heavily, as if he was the one suffering, "I don't want to do this. I have to."

"Oh, yeah, you're really doing me a favour, aren't you? I'm human; I can't survive without food and water. I've got no reason to live anyway, not without love or friendship. Are you mad, or just plain stupid?"

"Do you want a drink?"

She sighed, exasperated, and shut her eyes, her only option as opposed to turning her back on him, as she would've done under normal circumstances. As she'd done so regularly with Gene towards the start of their relationship.

Gene. Her heart ached as she thought of him. All that time she'd wholeheartedly hated her new world, all that time she'd fought frenziedly to get back to her real life. Now it was Gene she wanted, almost as much as she yearned for Molly. But never quite as much.

"Alex? You can have a drink, if it's what you want."

"And do what; pour it over my head? I'll tell you what I want; I want to go home."

"But Alex, you're doing it again. Home. As in that crumby flat above the Italian café. That's not your home." Arthur's resident malicious remarks were back with a vengeance as he stood up and bent over her.

"Can you just leave me alone, please? Even if it is completely useless me begging you, I really don't want your face to be the last thing I see." Alex murmured.

"No. That's Gene's job, isn't it?"

Alex breathed out deeply as he stormed from the room, and left her alone in the musty darkness once more. She could feel herself slipping away again, the panic engulfing her as she registered the likelihood she didn't have long left.

She couldn't focus on Molly's face, or Gene's. They were present, somewhere vague in the back of her mind, but their features were blurred, their voices undistinguishable as she replayed favourite scenes of the different relationships. She couldn't see Ray's expression, or even Chris's.

The only image clear in her mind was Shaz's pale complexion. It was almost too clear, filling her mind overpoweringly. She was soaked through; her hair plastered to her face, her skimpy top clinging to her chest. She was alone. Gazing up at a starry sky.

XxXxX

**Thanks for reading ****– I hope you're enjoying it so far :) Please review and tell me what you thought – I love to hear feedback! I don't own the characters; I just like writing A2A stories xxx**


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey, I know Gene's higher rank, but even I'd vote for Chris, fitness-wise. Isn't the DCI just a bit out of your league, anyway? Oh no, it'll be Genie for you now, won't it? What's he like in bed; hands on?" Ray kept up a torrent of spiteful remarks throughout Shaz's time in the office, ordering her around and excluding her from conversation. Maybe his way of getting across how insecure he was feeling, how much he wanted Alex back. Chris laughed along with him, but the grin never reached his eyes, which often lingered dreamily on Shaz for a moment too long when she passed him.

Shaz didn't reply, bowing her head further over her desk with a hopeful glance towards Gene's office.

"What you going to do; go running to Uncle Hunt's office?"

"Oh, shut it, Ray." Shaz snapped, unusually sharp for her all round sweet temperament. Then again, the tension between CID colleagues was becoming almost normal, the former friendly environment forgotten.

Ray chuckled sleazily. Shaz eyed him coldly for a moment, before drawing her chair back across the tiles and running from the room.

"Time of the month." Ray smirked triumphantly, "What did you ever see in her, mate?"

Chris shrugged, not committing. He stared blankly after her as the familiar clunk of the hinges echoed across the room. "D'you think I should go and talk to her?"

"Have you completely lost it? She dumped you, mate. That means she doesn't want a relationship. You can't follow her around like a lost sheep until she takes pity on you. You need to find a new bird, show her what she's missing."

"I s'pose she was a bit lame. And a crap kisser." Chris considered flatly, turning away before Ray could note his hesitance, his uncertainty. Ray nodded, satisfied, and the office fell quiet; heads buried in rustling papers.

A sudden scream, a high pitched squeal, reverberated through CID. Both Ray and Chris were on their feet and out of the door before anyone else could raise their heads.

In reception, a crowd of prisoners and officers alike had gathered in a tight circle by the door, laughing mercilessly or frowning in concern, depending on their loyalties.

"Chris!" Viv James called through the gathering. Chris pushed through, and found the sergeant knelt down by a limp body, mumbling soothingly.

"Oh God." Chris clasped a hand over his mouth, the little colour in his face completely drained. Shaz lay helplessly on the grimy floor, tears pouring down her face. Blood oozed from a vicious stab wound in her lower side, pooling swiftly.

Seeing Chris, she moaned, and attempted to sit up, collapsing back onto the floor with a pained gasp.

"No, Shaz, you need to lie still." Viv squeezed her hand gently, his voice shaking despite his effort to keep it calm and reassuring, "Chris?"

Chris took a stumbling step backwards, Ray's cursing running through his muddled thoughts, "We're...we're not together."

Ray crouched down beside her, cradling her head in his arms. He'd always teased her, more so recently, and maybe too much, but he really did care about her. "It's okay, Shaz."

"It...it hurts." her voice was feeble and choked with tears, "I want my mum."

"I know. It's okay." Ray brushed her hair from her face as she sobbed raggedly, clasping her side. Viv smothered a blanket over the deep gash, applying pressure, as if he could will her injury away.

"I'm sorry. Tell...tell Chris...I'm so sorry. I didn't...mean..."

"I know you didn't. Come on, Shaz, keep breathing." Ray pressed two fingers to her skinny wrists, frowning tensely at his findings.

"I...I love him. I've always...loved him. I'm just...I'm just..." her eyelids fluttered faintly before her eyes closed.

"Chris, please." Viv's panic was evident now, any hope for logic forgotten, "Look at her. She needs you."

"Shaz, it's okay, baby. I know you're scared. I'm scared too. But we've got eachother." Chris fell to his knees abruptly beside her, a solitary tear rolling down his cheek before it fell to hers and joined the communal trickle of moisture dampening her collar, "And I love you. We'll be okay, Shazzer. Shaz?"

Ray swore out loud, running his thumb along the veins in her wrist as he searched desperately for a pulse, "Where's the bloody ambulance?"

"I can't lose her. I can't. Not after everything." Chris threw off his jacket and rolled his sleeves roughly up towards his bony elbows, "Alex. I've seen Alex do it. We have to save her."

He connected his fingers, positioned his arms above her chest, and dug his palm into her heart. Over and over. At each hit she shuddered, her head flopping slightly. There was complete silence now, the show over for the prisoners.

"Stop. She's gone." Viv pleaded anxiously, glancing towards Ray, who was fighting back tears, somewhat hopelessly.

"No...no!" Chris leant over her desperately, fumbling as he channelled air into her mouth.

"Chris, mate. It's over." Ray murmured, placing one hand on Chris's shoulder. Chris shook his comfort off furiously, refusing to believe, and pounded her lifeless body, hysterically persistent.

She spluttered, and her chest rose rhythmically beneath his touch, her figure so tiny, so fragile. Chris nestled his head into her chest, sobbing. It was then that Gene burst through the door.

XxXxX

There was little noise across the ward, disregarding distant conversations, or the occasional dry cough. Shaz's bed was tucked away at the far end, beneath a wide window splashing rays of sun onto her ghostly pale face. She slept, mainly, barely able to sit up or even roll over. But alive.

Chris had sat by her bedside at any opportunity, content just to watch her breathe, which was probably a good job, given that Shaz appeared to fall suddenly into a deep sleep whenever he appeared.

Ray had visited several times in the few days, as had Viv, bur even conscious she'd scarcely spoken to them, listening blankly to updates from the station, and shrugging if asked how she felt.

Gene had materialized once, not falling for the perfectly times sniffs as her chest rose and fell. They'd talked, rather one-sidedly, for a long time, until she'd genuinely fallen asleep, holding his hand. He hadn't come back since, but they all understood the reason for that. Alex.

"I got you some strawberries, baby. I thought maybe you might prefer them to grapes. I can get you some grapes too, though, if you want." Chris sank down into his usual chair wearily, balancing a carrier bag precariously on his knees. Her breathing faltered slightly, a flaw to her plan as she took in his sweetness. He eyed her questioningly for a second, then tipped the bag to the floor, causing a loud crash as the plastic carton cracked. Shaz jumped, blatantly. "Shaz, I'm not stupid. I know you're awake, again. What've I done so wrong that you can't even bear to look at me any more?"

"Nothing. You've done nothing." her lips barely moved, her eyes remaining tightly shut. He opened his mouth to argue, but his gaze fell to her posture. Her fists were clenched, her nails leaving white indents in the palms of her hands. Her legs were tucked up protectively beneath the bed covers, quivering sorrowfully.

"Shaz, look at me." his voice had resumed it's soft, understanding touch, yet the firm undertone remained, and she obeyed, peering up at him timidly, like a child expecting, dreading, abuse. "I know you...you don't...I..."

"I meant it, Chris, what I said. I love you. I never stopped loving you. I was scared. I still am. I stand and watch the pain, the suffering. Everyone, everything, around me is changing, and I can't do anything to help."

"Don't cry, please. It's okay."

"No. No, it's not. I keep hearing voices, Chris. I look out that window and see nothing but an endless galaxy of stars, brighter each time." she raised a hand and swiped pearly droplets from her cheeks, "The only person who could possibly have understood is gone, and we all know she's not coming back, however much we need her, however much we hope."

"You don't know that, not for sure. We have to keep believing, Shaz."

"What happens when you just can't find the strength to keep faith any longer?" she stared vacantly across the other side of the ward, where a young child wearing denim dungarees and an orange jacket was struggling to clamber onto his mother's bed. A man behind him, presumably his dad, lifted him up, and they all clung to each other, the mother smiling despite the obvious pain as the boy bounced up and down on her stomach in excitement.

Chris shook his head, unable to supply an adequate response. Was anything he said going to have any positive effect on her whatsoever? Was she going to fall deeper into misery the longer he stayed?

"You saved me. I broke your heart, and you saved my life in return."

Her voice overflowed with regret. He couldn't stand to see her tearful, anguished, or indeed anything other than her usual self. It was so rare to see her without a smile on her face; he'd taken her cheerful nature for granted. Really, if she couldn't see the positive side to events, how could he even begin to hope to?

"Chris?" He turned back to her, her face so heartbreaking he had to reach out and stroke her hand. His hand trembled almost as much as her own, but a shadow of a smile flickered across her lips, an attempt to illustrate her gratitude. "Can I have a hug?"

"Oh, baby." he leant forwards and wrapped his arms tightly around her, tears forming again in his eyes. She winced, but her eyes drifted shut, and she forgot the pain, just for a moment, savouring the familiar warmth of his cradling arms, the suddenly fierce protection surrounding her. The softness of his lips as they touched hers.

XxXxX

"Gov, me and Shaz, we're...we're together again, she's getting better; she's going to be back by..." Chris burst back into CID, a rare grin spreading across his face.

"Get your arse in here, Christopher." Gene snarled gruffly, but the corners of his mouth twitched as Chris nodded humbly and sank down onto the chair at his desk.

"Sorry, gov."

"While you were snuggling up with my officer, Viv found this." Gene threw a padded brown package at him, turning back to his board. Chris grimaced, a foul smell engulfing him, but he ripped it open, and pulled out a severed finger, immediately dropping it to the floor with a splat as he clocked what it was.

"Is it...is it..."

Gene shook his head swiftly, "Come on, blue nail polish? Since when did Alex wear blue, for Christ's sake?"

"I don't know, gov, I never really..."

"There's a note. From her." Gene continued, waving a hand in the direction of the board, "She says she's okay. But she...it's not her writing. And I know she's not."

Chris and Ray could only watch in dismay as Gene sniffed and stormed off into his office. Neither of them spoke. They'd never seen Gene remotely emotional before Alex. Now he seemed broken.

"It doesn't feel right, Chris. It's like...like Alex was the one who held us all together, even before we met her. And now she's gone...Shaz could've died, and if we don't find Alex soon..."

"It'll be bad."

"It'll be more than bad. It'll be the end. The end of everything."

XxXxX

**Thanks for reading this far – I hope you're enjoying it. Please review and tell me what you think – I really like to hear feedback and advice. I don't own A2A; I just love to write stories about it ;) xxx**


	5. Chapter 5

She stood by the mirror, admiring herself. She had to admit, she looked good. Really good. She spun around to face the congregation, her veil swishing along with her movement.

A hand squeezed hers on either side, one a firm grip, while the other was small inside her own. In front of her were rows and rows of smiling friends, wearing various degrees of ridiculous wedding hats, and the occasional bow tie on the males.

The front rows were lined with clear faces as opposed to the rest, all blurring into one. Ray, in a bow tie. Chris and Shaz clasping hands. Her parents readily poised with their cameras, clicking away. She supposed she should be scared, but she wasn't even a tiny bit nervous. Just euphoric.

The priest murmured the usual, and they exchanged a flurry of vows. Then time slowed down; the world halting as Gene lifted her veil, and leant in towards her...

"Molly's waiting for you, Alex. You're closer to getting back to her than you ever were. You just have to keep trying." Arthur's voice broke through her dream, harsh and intimidating. She squeezed her eyelids tighter together, attempting to resume the vision, but he kicked her hard in the stomach, and she looked up at him obediently.

She knew by now she couldn't fool him, couldn't control him via psychology. He was the one doing that. She knew what it felt like now, to be at someone's mercy entirely. And she didn't like it at all.

He'd added a light to the room now, and a crookety table beside her, on which lay a plastic cup full of water, and a slice of rotting jam roll cut unevenly into quarters. A delicacy. She'd given up on refusing to eat a long time ago, but she waited until he left the room to savour every mouthful.

Arthur obviously didn't care much for food himself, judging by the quality of the sparse meals she was given; chunks of apple hacked off the core, lumps of cheese thrown into a jumble of bread. It reminded her of Molly's attempt at making her breakfast in bed for her birthday last year; a disaster of broken plates and singed hair.

He'd even loosened the ropes binding her to the bed, so she could just about sit up before they dug into her flesh. An absurd act of kindness. Outside of this room, she didn't know. When Arthur had opened the door last, she'd strained to see, but all she'd caught was a glimpse of wooden doors, stretching on forever...

"Why do you care? What does it matter to you how I choose to live?"

"You're making all the wrong decisions, Alex. Ruining your life." Arthur sat down and leant towards her, his long oily hair tickling her bare arm. Today he wore his mirrored sunglasses, as he so often did now the room was lit. Her reflection glared back at her, unrecognisable. Her hair was tangled and dull, her dress ripped and stained with blood. But her eyes looked dead; glassy and almost colourless.

"Why don't you just kill me? It'll be a hell of a lot easier. At least I'll be with them in a sense; Molly and Gene. You don't even believe me when I say I love her, do you? Listen, if you could take me back to Molly, if there was any way I could see her again, I wouldn't look back. I love Gene, but I love Molly so much more, in an entirely different way. She's my daughter."

"That hasn't stopped half the world."

"And what exactly is that supposed to mean?" Alex groaned rhetorically. Arthur sighed and made to stand up, but she just managed to grab his arm through the ropes. When she said she wanted him to go, it wasn't entirely true. Anyone was better than the complete silence enveloping her when she was left alone. "What did you send to Gene?"

"Oh, nothing of any significance. Just a little surprise." he turned back to her. She knew him well enough by now to interpret that grin as not only a lie, but as danger.

"You sent a note, didn't you? Pretending to be me? That's identity theft. That's a crime. Does he think...what did you say?"

"I said you were fine. Nothing more. I also sent him a present, though. I had to guess on the colour of the nail polish, but you seemed like a blue girl to me." Arthur grinned slyly.

"You...oh my God! He'll be..." Alex gasped, glancing down at her fingers. The white she'd worn for the wedding had gone completely. But odd flecks of the ruby red paint underneath still clung to the remainder of her chewed nails, mingled with blood from the raw skin beneath them.

"Oh. I was wrong." Arthur wrinkled his nose in mock disheartenment.

Alex let her hands fall back to the mattress. He must know she hated blue. He knew everything else about her. Was this a test? Of Gene, or herself?

"Is this your idea of a joke? Was it funny to you? Of course, you couldn't possibly understand the notion of feelings, could you? You'll never know what it feels like to love someone. What can hurt a man who cares for nothing?"

"I care for you, Alex. And I care for your daughter."

"Well, you've got an exceptionally funny way of showing it." Alex murmured. She was too weak to rant, too dejected to scream. "Listen to me, Layton. One day, I will get back Molly. One day I will be truly happy again. With or without Gene. But if you think this is the right thing to do, you're so, so wrong. I'd prefer to die here alone than see your face one more time. I hate you. I wish...I wish you were dead."

"Like you wish Molls was dead. So you could shag your DCI without worrying about that little girl's welfare. You might assume I'm cold hearted. Just think about yourself."

"I've got nothing left to live for in this world. If you think I'm so bad; such a crap cop, and an even crapper parent, then kill me. Just kill me!"

"Gov!" Chris burst through the CID double doors and thrust a crumpled up note into Gene's hand, "Gov, it's a note!"

"I can see it's a note." Gene snarled tetchily, smoothing the paper between his palms, but making no attempt to open it out.

"It...Viv says this little boy brought it in; he said a man had given it to him and said to bring it in here, and then..."

"Aren't you going to read it, gov?" Ray cut in over Chris loudly, "It could be from Alex."

"I know it could be from Alex!" Gene spun round to face Ray, flecks of spit flying from his lips due to the power at which he flung his words at his officer. Chris took a faltering step backwards, and even Ray hung his head, bemused. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just..."

Ray and Chris exchanged glances. Since when did Gene apologise ashamedly? Or at all? "It's alright, gov."

"Yeah. We...we sort of understand." Ray added, noticeably less awkward than he would've been a few weeks ago in opening up. In a way, the whole team had changed. Maybe, if they found Alex now, they'd look back on this as no more than a scary experience; one which had brought them all together. Alex would be proud of them. But if she was gone forever...it really didn't bear thinking about.

Gene nodded and opened out the sheet, unusually cautious. He stared at the text for a moment, not taking in the words. There was no doubt about it; this was Alex's handwriting. He took a deep, juttery breath and held the note up closer in order to read it.

Gene,

I'm sorry it had to end like this. I wouldn't have choasen it for the worrld. I didn't run off with a lover. I didn't decide thatt this life whasn't for me and flee to Spain. I just needed time to think; it was all toou fast for me. And then I was takern. You made my life here worthwhile, when no one else could. And for that I'll always be gratefull. Please don't try to find me. You can't; not now. I won't be here. It'll only hurt you more; searching, and you really don't desearve that. Just forget I ever ruined your lives. I hope that one day you'll forgive me for leayving you without a proper goodbye, and that we'll meet again, in a different world. A better world. Please tell Ray and Chris I feel privileged to have known such good coppers. Shaz; she was the best friend I've ever had. I mean that. Give her a hug from me. And you, Gene. I'm not going to go into details. I'll only smudge my writting. You just somehow have this way of making everyone around yoou feel safe. I always have, and always will, love you. Non matter what.

Goodbye

Alex

xxx

"Gov?" Chris peered over his shoulder tentatively, "What's it say?"

Gene's eyes were glued to the line of kisses at the bottom of the letter, barely visible beneath an obvious flood of heartbroken tears.

"Gov?" Ray crossed the room towards him and snatched the note, scanning it quickly as Gene remained motionless, "Oh. Crap."

"What?" Chris's forehead was screwed up in both anxiety and impatience. A solitary tear trickled down Gene's cheek, "She...she..."

"She wants to die, Chris. It's...it's a suicide note."

XxXxX

Shaz's face gradually drained of colour as she read the letter, her moist eyes similarly lingering on the faded crosses.

"Shaz?" Chris laid a hand on his girlfriend's, distressed by her tears, "Shazzer?"

"No. No." Shaz raised her head slightly and met Gene's gaze directly, droplets pouring down her cheeks.

"I know, Shaz. I know." Gene took her other hand.

Chris lifted his, confused, "I..."

"No, Chris. Just as a friend." Gene arched one eyebrow, sarcastic, yet with a hint of sad warmth. Chris nodded, his mouth still set in a frown.

"She wouldn't." Shaz begged, wincing as she shuffled further up the bed in an attempt to sit up.

"How could I have been such a selfish, ignorant b...?" Gene punched the mattress in frustration, narrowly avoiding Shaz's leg.

"Gov, it's okay. It's not your fault." Shaz spoke soothingly, but her tone was undeniably sorrowful. She studied the paper again, savouring each word of Alex's meticulous handwriting.

"I compared the text to her files. It's definitely hers." Ray informed them pointlessly. Gene just about resisted the urge to punch him too, keeping his eyes focussed on Shaz.

"Gov?" Shaz murmured softly, "Gov, you know how you said...that man who attacked me, you said it was just random. And...and that you'd take a closer look...after..."

"I didn't mean that, Shaz. We'll do everything we can to find him." Gene sighed. He really didn't need this now.

"No, gov. What if...what if it wasn't random? What if it was a warning?"

"I know it's hard, baby." Chris wrapped an affectionate, if dim-witted, arm around her.

"Maybe this is all a set up. Look, gov. She's spelt chosen wrong." Shaz held the letter up to him, "And...and world."

"Even Chris can spell world." Ray added tartly.

Three heads spun to face him. "Well, thanks."

"But it's true!" Ray seized the letter from Shaz, "That. Wasn't. There's loads of them! Who the hell can spell privileged and not world?"

"They've got a point, gov. Ma'am was a right swot. No offence."

"Okay, so she was so busy planning her death she had more pressing matters to worry about than spelling! It's not a bloody crime! When my time comes, I won't be thinking about spelling, I can promise you!"

"But this is ma'am, gov. Ma'am's different. You know that." Shaz dried her eyes on the corner of the bed sheets, suddenly hopeful, "Pass me a pen, Chris."

Chris obliged quickly, handing her a sparkly pink biro from the bedside cupboard. Ray dropped the letter back in front of her. "Come on, kiddo."

Shaz's dark hair flopped over her face as she concentrated on the letter. Complete silence filled the room, aside from Gene's frustrated tapping on the chair leg. "Speak, Shaz. What the hell are you doing?"

She held the sheet up, her lips curving into a weak smile. She'd scrawled a name in the bottom right hand corner of the page.

**Arthur Layton**

"Alex, you clever bitch." Ray gasped.

"I think you'll find the 'clever bitch' is sitting right in front of you, Raymondo." Gene squeezed Shaz's hand, "Coat, Christopher. Now. And unlimited free drinks for WPC Granger tonight."

"Yeah, about that, gov. Do you remember saying..." Shaz trailed off. Gene and Ray had already grabbed their jackets and disappeared into the corridor. She couldn't blame them. Alex was the priority. But...

"Is it okay if I go, baby?" Chris lingered by the bed, somewhat put out by both the behaviour of his companions, and his girlfriend's expression, "Shazzer?"

Shaz blinked back the new tears threatening to spill out over her cheeks. Now wasn't the time for self pity. "Yeah."

"Has...has someone upset you? What's the gov been saying?"

"No. No, he's been really sweet. It's fine, honestly." she managed a feeble smile, convincing neither herself nor him.

"Okay. I'll come back later." he nodded and departed too, occupied with imagining Gene as 'sweet'.

"See you." Shaz whispered to the empty archway as the door slammed shut. Grief coursed through her veins, silent tears falling swiftly down her face. She didn't even know why she was crying. The whole situation just felt so wrong; as though the weight of the world was on her shoulders.

Selfish, she knew. She'd simply lain in a bed all week crying. People in the world suffered so much more hardship than she could ever even dream of; communities torn apart by war and slavery without a hope for happiness, or parents sacrificing their lives to save their families. Life wasn't fair. Sometimes you just had to accept that and move on.

XxXxX

**Again, thanks**** for reading ;) - please review; I love to hear what you think...If anyone has ideas for this or any other story please tell me!**

**I don't own A2A (although I wish I did!); I just write stories about it, and hope that you will enjoy them xx**


	6. Chapter 6

"Arthur Layton. Nicked for assault years ago. And...and a couple of months for helping his mother end her life." Ray slapped a photo up on the board and shoved a creased brown file into Gene's outstretched hands. "Hardly a likely murderer."

"I still don't get it."

"What is there to get?" Gene snapped half heartedly, "We're wasting our bloody time."

"But how did you..."

"Oh, for Christ's sake, Skelton? Which idiot let you join the police force? You're so bloody thick I doubt you can even spell cat, let alone world!" Gene yelled, throwing the file down in front of his officer and storming off towards the office.

"I can spell world." Chris blinked rapidly, bowing his head reprehensibly.

"I know you can." Ray sank down into his chair, unusually gentle, "Look, every letter Alex added into the note that shouldn't have been there ended up spelling a name; Arthur Layton. Gene's just shocked; he was expecting some sort of serial killer. Just ignore him."

"I'm going to see Shaz." Chris stood up, snatching the photo from the board so the magnet fell to the floor and rolled across the tiles.

"You've only just left her, mate." Ray scooped it up and dropped it onto his desk, "Don't you think you're gonna look a little desperate?"

"Well, it's better to look desperate than stay where you're not wanted, isn't it?" Chris demanded rhetorically, folding the image into quarters, slipping it into his pocket and running from the room.

"Chris!"

XxXxX

"Oh! Chris!" Shaz couldn't hide her surprise as Chris burst through the door to her private wing, which Gene had insisted upon, and threw his arms around her. Still, a smile crept across her face. It wasn't exactly a bad thing to have the man she loved hug her, whatever the circumstances.

Chris clung to her as she pulled away, however, unwilling to let her go. She wrapped her arms back around him supportively, startled as he stifled a sob. She'd never seen him, cry. Ever. "Are you okay? What's happened?"

"I'm sorry." he wriggled now, suddenly embarrassed.

"Chris? Tell me. Is it ma'am?"

"No. No, ma'am's fine. Well, she's not fine, but..."

"Chris, just tell me!" Shaz pleaded, her hands shaking as she took his.

"It's nothing. I'm just being stupid." he shrugged, hoping she'd let the subject drop. Judging by her expression, though, he had no chance. "Okay. I was confused by what was going on with Alex, and Gene lost it. It was no big deal. I don't even know why it bothered me; it doesn't normally. But I'm scared."

"Scared? Scared of what?"

"I don't know. Of not finding Alex. Of being bad at my job." Chris sighed. Shaz squeezed his hand, and he met her gaze, "Of losing you."

"You won't lose me, Chris!" Shaz's innocent eyes widened, "Is that what you really think?"

"I don't know what I think any more." Chris sighed, uncurling her fingers from around his hand and edging further down the bed, "I just know I love you. And I can't lose you again. I really can't."

"Oh, baby!" she exclaimed, and pushing herself up with the aid of the chair beside the bed, "I love you too, you know I do. It just all got too much for me. I'm sorry."

"Don't hurt yourself."

"Please, come here." she stretched one arm out towards him, the other remaining to clasp her side, "Oh my God, you're shaking! You can't let the gov walk all over you, Chris; you need to stand up for yourself!"

"I do." Chris mumbled distractedly, shuffling back up the bed if only to save Shaz more pain, "I can't blame him anyway. I just imagine how I'd feel if you'd been taken, if you'd written that letter. I wouldn't have time for thick officers."

"You're not thick, Chris. Yes, gov's got a lot on his mind, but that's out of order, that." Shaz wrapped her arms around him and buried her head in his chest, "There's no more news about ma'am, then?"

"No. Well, yeah. That guy you found the name of was nicked ten years ago for assault, and then he got a few years for helping his mum kill herself. His house is empty, and there are no clues. The neighbour said he'd gone away for the week or something." Chris shrugged, digging the photo from his back pocket and handing it to her, "Gov says we're wasting our time chasing him. I mean, he doesn't look much like...Shaz?"

"He...he stabbed me." she sniffed, dropping the photo to the bed listlessly, "He stabbed me."

"You told them you couldn't give them a description; you said he had his hood up, and sunglasses on." Chris pressed, "How can you know?"

"I didn't want any trouble. I wanted them to focus on Alex."

"What?"

"I never thought they were connected. But...his glasses slipped down...and his eyes...I'll never forget those eyes."

"This man stabbed you?" Chris picked up the sheet and eyed it again, disbelieving, "Really?"

"Well, thanks, Chris." Shaz curled back up on her bed, hurt, "A bit of trust would be nice."

"I...I do trust you." Chris nodded absentmindedly, heading for the door, "I'll be right back."

"Yeah." Shaz mumbled to herself, "Yeah, I'm sure you will."

"Ray!" Chris rushed into CID, coughing and spluttering, "Ray, this guy, he...he stabbed Shaz!"

"I think you're losing it, mate." Ray patted him on the back sarcastically.

"No, seriously! She says she wanted...everyone to focus...on finding Alex. But she...it's definitely him." he sank down into his chair, attempting to find his breath."

"And you believe her?"

Chris blinked, confused by Ray's challenging, "I..."

"Yes. We do." Gene appeared between them, almost intimidating in his fierceness, "Viv said that kid who brought the note in ID'd Layton as the one who gave him the note. I had a word with the boy myself, and apparently Layton had gone by the time he left reception, but he followed him round the corner and pestered him until he'd cadged a few quid for his troubles."

"As lads do."

"Shut it, Raymondo." Gene growled, "When I...well, when I pestered the boy for a while, he remembered that Layton had pulled a bottle of blue nail varnish out of his pocket while looking for cash. The last he knew of Layton was him hurrying off left down the main road. So I suggest you check out any derelict buildings along the alleyways near the end of town."

"Right. Gov." Ray obliged, albeit making a big deal of it as he moved to the board to check out the maps.

"Alright, DC Skelton? Chris?"

"What? Oh, yeah gov. Thanks." Chris nodded, replacing the photograph on the board, above the scrawl supposedly representing his name.

"How's Shaz?"

"I...I don't really know, gov. I think she's okay. The doctor said she can go home soon, but she won't be able to do any proper work for a while."

Gene grimaced, "She'd better be. We need her."

XxXxX

Alex strained to watch Arthur. He was skulking in the shadows by an empty bookcase, fiddling with the gun in his hands. The funny thing was, he didn't scare her anymore. What could he do to her now?

"So, Alex. Are you ready for this?" he strode towards her, arm outstretched, "Ready to leave your daughter alone in this cruel, cruel world?"

"The world would be so much better of if you didn't flatter yourself with being one of the good guys in this." Alex groaned, "Look at yourself. You kidnapped a police officer, to teach her a lesson about leaving her daughter. You're going to kill her rather than let her go. I don't think you're in a position to lecture me, to be honest. Don't mess with things you don't understand, Arthur."

"I understand fully." he snarled, turning the gun on her so the cold metal touched the side of her head, "This was your request, Alex. You asked me to kill you."

"Yeah, because if I had to stand one more day with you in this place I'd kill myself. When your mother asked you to kill her, what did you think? That it was fine because she'd asked?"

"How do you know about my mother?" the gun wobbled, his expression disconcerted.

"I understand why you killed her. I would've done the same. You get to a point where you can't stand their pain any longer. That doesn't make it any more acceptable. It's still manslaughter." Alex sighed, weary, "Do you think, because a lenient judge let you off with a light sentence for killing your mother, that you're untouchable if you kill me? Well, I'm telling you, the judge won't be so thoughtful this time. Life, I'd reckon."

"That's if they ever find me, you mean. It doesn't seem like your boyfriend in his suit of shining armour, or the cavalry, have tracked us down yet. Either that or they think they're better of without. Anyway, enough of this chit-chat. We've got work to do."

"No. What about those glasses you always wear? What's the point in them? To shield you from this 'cruel, cruel world'? To hide your face in the likely instance you're caught up to no good? Or because you're ashamed, Arthur? You don't have to do this. You could let me go."

He paused for a moment, lost in thought, then flicked the gun at the side of her head, "Where's the fun in that?"

She moaned, struggling with the ropes binding her hands in a desperate bid to feel the injury. However ready she was to die, she wasn't prepared for the pain that came with it. "Please, Arthur. This isn't right. Look, just undo these ropes. I'll take you back to the station, and you can talk to someone who can help you."

"Now I understand why so many coppers are killed in London, if that's the way you talk people down. Tip for life, Alex; sometimes, you need to learn when to just...shut...up." he emphasized the words, complementing each with a strike at her head.

"No. Don't." Alex moaned, now aware of blood dribbling down the side of her face.

"No, don't!" he mocked her, chuckling in a deranged manner, "Oh, Alex, if only you could hear yourself now. You were such a bright kid. Where did it all go wrong, hey?"

"Just let me go. Please."

"You know how cowardly you sound now, Alexandra? Backing down from your request now you've realised how scared you are of dying?"

"I'm not scared of dying. I just know I'll regret not having the chance to resolve this and get back to my old life." Alex gulped suddenly, tears mingling with the blood. She couldn't stand this. "Kill me, Arthur. Kill me."

XxXxX

**Thanks for reading so far ;) I've got lots more planned – please review and tell me what you think :)**

**I don't own Ashes, obviously...but as always I wish I did xxx**


	7. Chapter 7

"Gov! Ray!" Chris called, rattling the door of the end house in the narrow street. As they'd expected, most were open, and infested by either rats or drunken men. But this one, with it's relatively neat structure compared to the collapsing one beside it, was locked, the curtains tightly drawn across the front window.

Both men were by Chris's side in an instant, tailed by a cluster of uniformed officers. Ray flung himself at the door, and it opened a crack. Gene looked suddenly nervous, not exactly an expected emotion for him. He flicked the light switch, hiding his face, "Right. Ray and Chris upstairs, someone watch the back door, and the rest of you with me."

"Gov." Ray mumbled, conquering the stairs two at a time. They creaked under his weight, almost unstable. Chris followed him up more cautiously, and together they kicked the only door on the landing down.

Immediately, a figure flew towards them, shooting blindly. Ray raised his gun, and shot him down with one bullet. In the dim light, they could make out a bed at the far end of the room.

"Ma'am?" Chris called, flicking on the light, stepping cautiously over the body and making his way towards a weak moan.

"Gov!" Ray retreated for a moment, hanging over the banister, "Quick!"

"Ma'am? Alex?" Chris crouched down beside the bed, feeling her wrist for a pulse, "Ray, she's breathing, but only just."

"We need an ambulance!" Ray snapped at a PC hovering on the bottom step, "Get Gene up here quickly."

"Alex, it's okay." he examined her as the lights warmed up. She was ghostly pale, scrawny, and barely conscious, blood running down her face onto the bed. "Alex?"

"Chris?" she whispered hoarsely, her eyes drifting shut.

"Yeah, ma'am. You're okay. Just keep your eyes open." he fumbled with the ropes around her wrists, his hands shaking.

"Chris. I'm scared." she whispered, battling as he eased the knots open.

"I know." he threw the ropes to the floor and turned to her legs. What else could he say? "Try and keep calm."

Ray emerged, and crouched down beside her, "Everything's okay now. The ambulance is coming."

"G...Gene?"

"He's downstairs; he's coming up in a minute." Ray stood up, dug a knife from his pocket, and slashed the rope binding her body with a few stabs. Chris, having just released her feet, looked bemused as Ray slipped his weapon back into his coat. Ray just winked. "Right, I think you should get some liquid down you. Can you sit up? Alex?"

"I...I don't...know." she sobbed, taking Ray's outstretched hand and shuffling a little way up the bed, so she was propped up on the rough wooden headrest; not exactly the best idea. Ray ripped a strip from the bed sheets and sat down alongside her, holding it to the injuries on the side of her face. She laid her head on his shoulder, tears trickling down her cheeks and onto his jacket.

"Here, ma'am." Chris tipped a little water into her mouth from the cup on the bedside table. She gulped, barely able to swallow.

"Where's...where's Shaz?"

Chris turned away, unable to look Alex in the eye. Ray sighed; they could hardly tell her the truth while she was in this state. "She's at the station. She'll come and see you later."

"She...she decoded...the letter?"

He nodded slowly, "You were really clever to think of that, ma'am."

"No. Shaz is...the...clever one. I knew...she'd find...it. She was...my only...hope. And she...did it." Alex sniffed, "She..."

"You, DI Drake, are in big trouble." Gene stood at the end of the bed, leaning heavily on the wooden bar.

She raised her head a fraction, noting his reddened eyes, "I...I'm so...sorry."

Ray shuffled down the bed a little, and Gene sank down beside Alex, cradling her in his arms as she sobbed. "Alright, Bolly. Alright. Now, you'd better stop crying, or I might start to feel sorry for you. I might even cry myself. And nobody wants that."

"I thought...I thought I was...going to die, Gene."

"I'll go and chase up that ambulance." Ray suggested softly. Chris nodded and followed him out of the room.

"Come on then, Bolls. Spill."

Alex glanced towards Arthur's lifeless body, shuddering. She had to tell him. In some ways she actually wanted to. He needed, and deserved, to know the truth.

XxXxX

Alex awoke with a start. Bright lights hanging from the ceiling shone down harshly on her face, temporarily blinding her. To both sides, facing stared down at her, a wide range of expressions.

A large, warm hand squeezed hers, "Morning, Bolly."

"G...Gene?" she blinked, her eyes gradually becoming accustomed to her surroundings.

"As much as I hate to admit it, you gave us all quite a fright yesterday." the corners of his mouth twitched slightly, but his eyes were heavy; genuinely concerned, "And we're still not bloody married."

"How are you feeling, Alex?" Jim leant over her, his glasses magnifying his pupils.

"Better. Thanks." she shuffled, uncomfortable.

"Back off, Jimbo." Gene snarled, brushing her hair from her eyes tenderly.

"Jim?" Alex whispered as he stood up, motioning as if to leave. She felt cruel throwing him out; he only wanted to help. It wasn't a crime to fall in love. "I'd love a cup of coffee."

He nodded, with a triumphant glance towards Gene, and disappeared from the room.

"How are you two?" Alex turned towards Ray and Chris, who'd sat in relative silence since she'd awoken.

"Alright, ma'am." Ray shrugged.

"Where's...where's Shaz? I need to thank her for saving my life." Alex craned her neck to view the rest of the room, pain crossing her face as she twisted.

"She...she..." Chris stammered.

"Alex, we didn't realise at the time that the incidents were connected. Otherwise we would've found you sooner. I'm to blame for that." Gene couldn't meet her gaze as she spun back to face him, bewildered. Since when did Gene openly take the responsibility for anything? "Layton walked into the station a couple of days after you...after you went missing."

"What?"

"We...it was a warning, you..." he was suddenly ungrammatical; lost for words. Nervous even. More traits Alex had never before connected to Gene.

"Just tell me!" she pleaded tensely, propping herself up on one elbow.

"Okay." he sighed, "He stabbed Shaz."

"Where is she? I need to see her!" she sat up fully, the pain intensifying on her face.

"Alex, lie down." he eased her backwards gently, "She's okay."

"What happened?"

"I...I don't know. I really don't know." Gene finally raised his head, his eyes glistening with tears, "It was all so fast."

"Ray? Chris?" she demanded.

Chris just shook his head.

"She...we were all really stressed. Gene...gov was upset. Chris and Shaz...had an argument; I was...I was teasing Shaz. I wasn't thinking about her, okay? We just all really missed you. Shaz walked out, and...and we heard a scream, so we went out into reception, and Shaz was...she was like lying there on the floor crying, and there was blood everywhere, and Viv was holding her head like..."

The room suddenly felt cold as Ray paused, silent with the exception of a stifled sniff from Chris. All eyes were on Ray, wide and nervous.

"She asked for Chris, but they weren't...I got down beside her, and she was begging for her mum, and saying she was sorry and that. Then she fell unconscious, and then she stopped breathing, and we couldn't find a pulse. And Chris did that mouth to mouth or whatever it is, and then we told him to stop, and she wasn't coming back, but then she did. Then Gene walked in."

"You did CPR, Chris? I didn't know you could." Alex's curiosity got the better of her, despite her panic at Shaz's expense.

"I couldn't, ma'am." he looked surprisingly shameful, "I just tried to copy what I saw you do."

"And you saved her?"

"I s'pose."

"That's...that's really good, Chris." Alex sensed his unease and moved swiftly on, "So, how's Shaz now?"

"Alright."

"Are you okay, Chris?" Alex reached out the hand not connected to Gene's, and touched his knee tentatively, "You don't have to be ashamed. It's perfectly normal to feel, shocked, or scared, or guilty..."

"Look, ma'am, I've got enough to think about without you going on with all that psychological crap. When I want your help, I'll ask for it. And that's not gonna happen." he stood up, kicked his chair back, and stormed out of the room.

Alex stared after him blankly.

"Don't worry about it, ma'am. He's been a bit weird since..." Ray trailed off, hopeless, "He doesn't mean it. Ma'am?"

"Does Shaz know? That I'm here?" Alex questioned flatly.

"Yeah."

"But she..."

"She's still in hospital, Alex." Gene cut across her, soft yet firm, "She's stable, but she's in a lot of pain, and..."

"You've seen her, though? What did she say?"

"Yes. She didn't talk much, really. Did she, gov?" Ray turned to Gene, who didn't react. "Something's going on with her and Chris, but Chris is...well, you've seen, and Shaz just won't talk to us."

"She decoded the letter, though?"

"Well, yeah. We thought it was a suicide letter. That you'd just made a load of mistakes because you were scared. But Shaz said you wouldn't do that."

"Can I see her?"

Ray frowned, his forehead creasing deeply, his eyes concerned. Not very often did anyone see him with his guard down. "I don't know."

"Please. Just for a few minutes. I need to know she's okay."

"Alright." Ray relented, standing up and holding out his hand. Strictly speaking, the doctor had ordered them to assure she stayed in bed. But she wasn't going to recover if she was occupied with worrying about Shaz, was she?

Alex winced as she stood, her feet trembling under the sudden shift of weight. Gene sighed and tucked his arm around her other side, and together, the three of them set off for Shaz's ward.

XxXxX

**Thank you for the reviews on the story so far, especially Jazzola and sash queen of the jungle :)**

**I don't own A2A, I just love it...**

**I hope you've enjoyed the latest developments of this chapter – please re****view and tell me what you think xx**


	8. Chapter 8

Shaz was curled up facing away from them, tucked up underneath the covers with only the top of her head visible. Ray released Alex and strolled around to sit in front of her, while Alex sank down into the nearest seat on her other side.

"Shaz?" Ray murmured. They all knew she wasn't asleep. She was trembling under the quilt, the occasional sob muffled by her covers. "Shaz, come on, talk to us."

Gene, who'd been hovering by the door, sat down at the end of the bed, and gently pulled back the sheets. She too blinked in the bright light, her wide eyes slowly focussing on Gene. He gave a small, wry smile, "Don't the words 'look after yourself' mean anything to you, DC Granger?"

Shaz stared at him for a moment as she processed the sentence, "DC?"

"Yes."

"You mean it?"

"Yes."

She gasped as she pulled herself up, holding her side, and Alex witnessed for the first time her injury, blood seeping through her gown. Gene wrapped an arm around her waist, and she laid her head on his shoulder, tired, but happy, "Thank you, gov. Thank you."

"You do realise you have to get better first, don't you?" Gene gestured to her blood-stained hand as she lifted it from her side.

"I know, gov. I just..." Shaz stopped midway through her sentence, wiping a hand across her face, "How's ma'am?"

"Better, thanks." Alex whispered, finding it hard to get over Gene and Shaz's new friendship.

Shaz spun around to face her, wincing again at the sudden movement, "Ma'am! What happened? Are you okay?"

Alex looked down, unable to answer. She didn't really want to relive it again now. A moment ago, she'd have given anything to speak to Shaz, to tell her everything. And now she could barely say a word to her.

"Alright, Shaz. Just go easy on her." Gene suggested softly.

"I...I'm sorry, ma'am." Shaz flushed, confused. A few weeks ago, Alex had been her best friend and Gene nothing more than her boss. Now Gene was the warm, sympathetic one, and Alex wouldn't even look her in the eye.

"It's fine. I'm the one who should be apologizing." Alex raised her head slightly, meeting her gaze, "And thanking you while I'm at it. You saved my life, Shaz. And I wasn't...I wasn't there to save yours."

Shaz looked even more puzzled now, "Chris did, ma'am. Because he'd seen you do it."

Alex nodded, but her face stayed blank.

"Bloody hell, Bolls, I've never seen you so lost for words." Gene teased, but concern trickled into his tone, "Alex?"

"I'm sorry." Alex stood up and stumbled towards the corridor. Ray immediately jumped up and helped her outside, the door closing behind them.

"What's wrong with her? Is she angry with me?" Shaz shuffled away from Gene and pulled the covers back up, "Aren't you going to go after her?"

"Look, Shaz, if it's jealousy, then she deserves to be taught a lesson. She's moaned at me for months, going on about me being to hard on you lot. If she can't stand not being the centre of attention, then..."

"What happened; when you found her?"

"Ray and Chris went upstairs, Layton fired at them, so Ray shot him dead." Gene shrugged.

"He shot him in front of her?"

"Yes. Then they untied her, and she told me everything before the ambulance arrived."

"Everything?" she pressed.

"About Layton. So what?"

"She once told me about this guy. He got kidnapped, and he kept trying to escape, but...but then he sort of fell in love with his kidnapper, and...sort of thought they were doing the right thing even though they weren't."

"What?" Gene now looked confused as well as worried, "How the hell can you love someone who...he was going to shoot her, Shaz!"

"I know, gov. And I don't know." Shaz shook her head, "I'm just saying. Maybe she didn't want Ray to shoot him."

Gene nodded slowly, standing up, "Maybe I should talk to her. You'll be okay?"

"Yeah." Shaz nodded, not seeming entirely convinced. Gene laid a hand on her shoulder briefly, and she smiled weakly, "Tell ma'am I'm sorry. And if you see Chris..."

"I'll talk to him." he promised gruffly, disappearing before she could delay him any longer. As much as he hated to admit it, he'd grown close to her these past few weeks. Maybe, before, she'd lived in Alex's shadow a little; imitating her actions until she'd gone too far and just annoyed him. Or maybe he'd just been so preoccupied with his fiancée he'd blanked her. Whatever the reasoning, she was her own person, and he cared for her. He couldn't now stand and watch her cry any more than he could Alex.

Outside, Alex was slumped against the cool passageway wall, Ray crouched beside her.

"Comfy?"

She raised her head wearily, "Is she okay?"

"Shaz? Yeah."

"I didn't realise..."

"I thought you'd be pleased I'm making an effort." he shook his head in mock disapproval, but his eyes stayed warm, "Where's Chris?"

"Dunno. Did a runner somewhere." Ray shrugged sullenly.

Gene motioned to the door of Shaz's private wing, "That'll go down well."

"She looks so scared." Alex mumbled, allowing Ray to help her up. Gene held out his hand, and she took it awkwardly, peering in through the frosted window of the room, "She's upset, Gene. I can't leave her to cry alone."

"You just did." Gene sighed, guiding her away from the door.

"We're just going to leave her? What happened to the best friends thing?" she protested, her eyes still fixed on the door.

"If I didn't know you better, Bolls, I'd think you sounded a touch jealous." he smirked. She scowled, and the half hearted smile drifted from his face. He leant back against the wall and held her closer to his chest, stroking her hair. "Look, Shaz is...she's sweet, she's innocent, she's willing...I think she's an asset, and I dunno what we'd do without her. But there is absolutely no need for you to get...all het up over us being mates. She needs time alone right now."

"You know, Gene?" Alex gazed up at him, surrendering to his hug, both bemused and content, "You've changed."

"This is the trouble with psychiatrist types. They just don't know when they've gone too far." he arched one eyebrow, but gave her a quick peck on the cheek before releasing her, "Come on, back to bed now. Everything'll be fine. Everything'll be just fine."

XxXxX

"Here." Jim slammed a glass down on the table in front of Chris, a trickle of whisky splashing out in his enthusiasm.

"Thanks, gov. Other gov." he wrapped his fingers around the glass, but didn't lift it. He was pale, almost unnaturally so, and his eyes heavy.

"You don't need to worry about letting your emotions out, Chris. It's about time someone said exactly what they thought where DCI Hunt is concerned." Jim replied, his lips set seriously as he sank down at his desk, opposite Chris.

"It's not his fault." Chris protested weakly, "I don't think. I don't know what I think any more. Everything feels so weird."

"Of course it does. You're worried about Shaz. That's only normal."

"No. Well, yeah, I am. But...it's just everything. Like it's all going wrong. Ma'am was asking how I was, and I just shouted at her; told her I didn't want her to give me any of her psychologisty crap. And Shaz won't talk to me, she keeps crying. I didn't even know I was saying it. She was trying to help. I feel so angry, so frustrated. I don't understand what's happening to me."

"It's okay, Chris." Jim reached out and patted his shaking hand, "I can help you make sense of it all. I can even arrange for you to take a few days off if you feel you can't cope with going into work. You don't need to worry."

"I just want everything to be normal again." Chris met Jim's gaze for a moment, then snatched his hand away from the glass, jumping up, "This doesn't feel right. I should be with Shaz."

"Calm down, Chris. You just told me you think you've upset her. It won't help matters if you go running in there." Jim sighed, standing up too, and strolling around to casually block the exit, "Is it Shaz and Gene that's got you worried? I..."

"I want to see her."

"Well, we can discuss it." Jim leant back against the door, his tone forceful despite the smile playing across his lips.

"Just let me go!" Chris gave him a feeble shove, then clasped his hands over his mouth as Jim winced, "Oh my God, gov. Other gov. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. I just...what's happening to me? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Chris." Jim took him by the arm and lead him back to his seat, his tone gentle and encouraging, "But you're obviously not. Come on, sit down. Tell me everything."

XxXxX

**Kind of reaching the climax now...could be a while before I ****get the chance to update again though ;) I don't own A2A. Thanks for reading – please review xx**


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